How do you lose something you never really had?
And yet "loss" is the only word that really describes what a failed adoption feels like.
Two weeks ago, we received a telephone call from our social worker telling us that there was a possibility we would be receiving a baby boy in only a few days time. A young couple was planning to place their baby for adoption and were trying to choose between two families. We were one of them! From the information we were given about the baby and birth parents, we felt very comfortable and thought this baby would be a good fit for our family.
Our social worker didn't want to get our hopes up in case they chose the other family but he wanted both families to have time to prepare just in case. The situation was quite unique and our social worker asked that we all pray for these birth parents to make the right choice for their baby. So we prayed, fasted, and started to make a few preparations in case the baby did come to us. It was such an exciting time for us. It brought a smile to my heart each time I thought of Avery having a baby brother at last! We even chose a name for the baby.
But then a week later we received a phone call telling us that the birth parents had decided to parent their baby. (Please do not feel critical of these birth parents. It would be inappropriate for me to share all the details of their situation so publicly. But I can say that they are married and so it is quite right that they should choose to keep their baby and parent him.) But of course you can imagine that for us, it is disappointing and sad to lose another baby possibility.
This is our 5th adoption loss. Five times we have been close to receiving a new baby and it fell through for one reason or another. This is the first baby boy we have lost. The others have all been girls. Last November when we lost a baby, I wrote a post about what adoption loss feels like and so I won't go into all that again. I'll just say that it's sad for us and it hurts.
But we haven't lost hope and we're trying to go forward with faith, trusting Heavenly Father to bless us and help us.
Here is our cute little Avery riding his "big boy bicycle."
5 comments:
This just breaks my heart. Your family is always in my prayers!
Oh Jolie, the waiting and then loss must be absolutely the worst for you I have faith that a sweeet baby will soon be sent to your family. Continued prayers being said.
We miss you guys and feel our hearts breaking for you. You guys are great parents. I enjoy reading your blog. We will keep you in our prayers.
I learned about the loss of your adoption in November and did not realize that this was your fifth adoption that didn't happen. I cannot imagine how difficult it must be for your family. I lost the ability to have children when I was 34. It will be a wonderful blessing to raise children during the time of the Savior where there is no sin. None of the serious worries that parents face. That being said....Being parents, the loss of a brother or sister for Avery (who is growing up so fast) must be very difficult. You ARE in my prayers
My heart aches for your family. I know your sorrow and appreciate your faith. I know it is hard, but I also know Heavenly Father has a plan for each of us. Ava reminds me of that each day.
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